14. Eve

Eve / 24 / Portland, OR, USA

“All I can say about my trans/detrans experience altogether is that I went from a suicidal, self-harming, trans-identifying teenager (I started identifying as nonbinary at age 14) to detransitioning at age 21 in a culminated mental breakdown. I'm happy to say I've put in a lot of effort these past few years and have created mental stability for myself and found a great deal of peace in my life and identity. It's upsetting to see how young I was and how the concept of transitioning was made to seem so idyllic to me, like it was a solution to all of the ways I was hurting (ex. "If I become a man/am seen as a man, then I'll never be sexually abused again", or like I only had body dysphoria because I was actually a male trapped in a female body, not because I had severe C-PTSD.) I feel extremely grateful that I was only on HRT for six months and so most of the changes lessened or disappeared after stopping, for me. Others aren't so lucky; I can't even imagine living like this after "gender affirming" surgeries. Anyways, I do feel that everything happens for a reason so I try not to dwell on regretting my past, even as insane as transitioning seems to me now, but it hurts to know that detransitioners are only going to become more and more common as time passes. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else to experience this kind of mistake. It's hard not to feel bitter but I'm trying, and I think the passage of time only helps here.”

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