40. Anonymous

Anonymous, 24, New England.

I grew up with some trauma that left me rather disconnected from myself. As I entered my teen years and struggled to find an identity, and suffered emotional and interpersonal difficulty, some of my friends started experimenting with their gender identities. Since my trauma was connected to my womanhood, this felt right. I was able to disconnect from that part of myself and live as a boy.

But as I started living as a man, not a boy, it started to not feel right. I went through lots of therapy to try and work through that trauma and realized I had simply been masking that scared little girl behind a safety net of masculinity. And going back and healing her and accepting her didn't mean I needed to embrace femininity, I could still be masculine and a woman if I wanted.

I stopped my transition right before I was set to have top surgery. I now move through the world as me, and I don't care if I am occasionally misgendered on the phone. I am more at peace.