24. Lexi
Lexi, 20y/o, Switzerland
“When I went through puberty, I experienced same-sex attraction for the first time ever (I was around 14 years old). It felt quite wonderful, but at the same time I felt pure shame. I was raised in a religious household by my mother and father, so things like these didn't quite "make sense" to them (or were a sin, even). By the time I finished school, I finally got the courage to cut off my hair, dress the way I wanted to (quite tomboyish) and tell them that I was, in fact, bisexual. I don't want to dive too deep into how they reacted, but it was traumatizing, to say the least. A year of horrible guilt and secretly dating women passed by, and that's when I discovered the trans community online.. and let me tell you, these people assured me that I was transgender as well within a day or two. I was hooked and very sure that this was the cause for my "weird" behavior. I told everyone close to me that I was trans, and that I wanted to take hormones and get top surgery.
I then started taking testosterone after a year of socially transitioning. Everything seemed to work well, but I noticed that I didn't seem to get happier. In fact, I developed horrible social anxiety, to the point where I couldn't really leave my apartment for almost an entire year. After a year of taking testosterone, when I was about to schedule an appointment for my top surgery, I started to realize what I was doing to myself and my body. I cried for hours and hours, before calling my endocrinologist and cancelling all my future appointments for injecting testosterone. Today, two years later, I am a strong and confident woman, who knows that she doesn't have to fit into certain stereotypes to be female. I just am.”