21.Oliver

OLIVER, 26, USA

“It's hard for me to find the words to feel like I stand out from other detransitioner's stories.

That in itself is a terror and a comfort.

I've picked apart my body since I was 10 and developed an eating disorder. Dealt with undiagnosed mental illness and autism alone.

Trauma and sexual abuse. Had crippling sex dysphoria and wished I had breast cancer.

I was treated poorly as a child for being gnc and possibly gay.

At 17 y/o I began calling myself trans and went along the path of hormones, surgery, name change, etc. for years.

There are so many people like me that a platonic ideal of a detransitioner's experience is developing.

While it's comforting to have others to relate to, it's terrible that it comes from what is usually a soul shattering, life changing realization that you've been misled by yourself and medical professionals, friends and family. That you've lost parts you will never get back. You'll never know the "true self" you were so convinced you were becoming by altering your body and language.

All I wanted was to finally be at peace with my body. To be happy and confident.

But the parts I needed to make peace with are gone forever.

I never had the chance.

I'm left to love and heal in a body with permanent scars that were somehow supposed to make me feel better.

All that said, I'm happier now and am glad that I was born female.

That would have been impossible for me to say even 2 years ago.”